antipaucity

I’ve figured out what to do with the more than 6 billion people who will need to be buried after they’ve passed-on.

And how to make a handsome profit on the whole operation, too.

That’s right: subscription burials!

Good morning, and welcome to DeathEx, your friendly, local, death experts. We provide a full-service, personalized, and streamlined funeral experience.

For the low price of $19.95 per month^*, your loved ones can be interred in our state-of-the-art burial vaults.

Our staff of morticians, burial consultants, and grief guides are here to help you in your time of loss. For the complete duration of your loved ones’ interment, you can contact our staff at any time with questions, to schedule a visit, or to upgrade burial facilities.

Our mourning chambers allow you the privacy you need when grieving over family and friends. We provide flexibility in supporting multiple group sizes, from 1 to hundreds. Whether you come alone, or are a part of the funeral crowd, DeathEx will ensure your complete comfort throughout the process.

For more information, please call us at 800 DEATHEX, or feel free to peruse our website: http://deathex.com.

PS. Don’t miss our bereavement buffet where you can partake in a remembrance meal for your departed friends and family^{^}.

^{*_{Some additional terms and conditions may apply. $19.95 service is representative only. Other service levels are available. Please see your certified burial subscription consultant for further details.}}

^{^_{Buffet costs and contents subject to change.}}